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(n.) A person who, for all intents and purposes, is hired in a traditional or nontraditional support role in which he or she functions as the gatekeeper for all sexual advances between two consenting adults in a monogamous [relationship]. Usually, the sexcretary intercepts all initial advances, much like a firewall, and forwards them into a queue to await further action, and, if necessary, determines the importance of the advance in conjunction with other events that may precede it. When two events are juxtaposed, it is through a complex algorithm that only a trained sexcretary understands that determines whether a "spontaneous act of [sexual intercourse]" will be allowed or denied -- [historically], the sexcretary will always deny the first and second attempt in favour of any other event in direct opposition of sex.
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