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[Scientists] have [discovered] a new element to add to the [periodic table]. It's called girlfriendium, and it has the unique ability out of all of the elements to actually decrease ones amount of free time and physical energy. It also has a strange side effect that differs from person to person. Sometimes it gives long lasting erections, others it destroys all sex drive. And has the uncanny ability to turn Womanium into unobtainium.
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