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About a klutzy, whiny, stupid, two-faced b-tch so-called 'heroine'who can't walk in a straight line. Her name is Bella. Bella's parents are divorced and she lives with her Dad. Her Dad is a blind motherf-cking retard who does not do ANYTHING to be a good father. Bella has to choose between an annoying, stalker so-called 'vampire' (who f-cking sparkles, and his name is Edward) and a [manipulative], jacka-s, pedophile werewolf named Jacob. Edward's main hobby is watching Bella sleep. Most people would find this creepy, but now it's accepted because everything Edward does is apparently "[gorgeous and perfect]". Edward also enjoys eating lions and smashing things to show how 'strong' he is. Edward is a 118 year old virgin, which is not surprising at all. Edward, being a p-ssy, runs away to Italy and wants to kill himself for Bella's 'safety'.Jacob's main hobby taking off all of his shirts and throwing them into the trash (if he even owns a shirt). Jacob also has an anger management problem. He is a [borderline pedophile] who falls in love with vampire babies. He thinks that he is so motherf-cking gorgeous and wants to have puppies with Bella, up until he meets Renesemee, now he wants to have puppies with Renesmee.

Each book of the series is a desperate rant from Bella ESPECIALLY in New Moon, in which Bella turns into a complete f-cking zombie. Bella ends up getting married with Edward at the age of 18 and they have a half [vampire baby].

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