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The [rationalization] hamster is a legendary creature dwelling deep in the minds of the self-delusional, and is particularly common among young liberal women. From birth, the [rationalization] hamster enters a symbiotic relation with its host, whereby whenever the host feels a craving to do something completely insane and malicious that will have horrible consequences for everyone in the long run, the [rationalization] hamster will jump on its wheel and run really, really fast, getting the magical hamster wheel to spin out a long sheet of paper full of neat rationalizations for the ultimately devastating action.

Rationalization hamsters are thought to be a [key] component in producing liberal scholarly works, particularly those of feminism. Young, liberated women often rely on it to explain their attraction to the asshole who is going to pump and dump them, as well as their contempt for the nice guy who, unaware of the hamster within, strives fruitlessly to gain their true love. Older, liberated women also rely on it for dumping their husbands and using the resulting child support money on jewellery, cars and/or crack.

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