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Well... where do we start? Newhaven is a small town on the south coast of [Great Britain], if you were to 'Google' Newhaven, it would come up with Newhaven fort, this is Newhaven's *only* tourist attraction.

It's a good thing that Newhaven only has one tourist attraction because its such a terrible place, people don't want to [have a nice] picnic on a picnic bench with there nan because

1. the chances are, they'll be mugged then beaten up whilst being raped, for there nice brie in the picnic and

2. All of the picnic benches are "out of order" either ripped from there [foundations], dissected into the metal and wood bits, the metal bit is sold as scrap metal and the wood is used for the fire at one of newhavens 24 (and counting)rubbish pubs. Rubbish is a nice word to sum up the pubs in newhaven

Traditionally, it's a fishing town with a big fish market, now its just full of old moody overweight people who get up at 10 [in the morning], go down to the pub, have 3 pints and whinge about the weather or something... ohh, and eat pork scratchings.

The whole port is owned by the french (doesn't that explain alot now).

Nothing much happens in Newhaven, just the odd murder, suicide and rnli launch.

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