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I am an Eagles fan. My team has never won the Super Bowl, therefore, I suffer from a super-sized [inferiority complex]. I am insanely jealous of the [Dallas Cowboys] because they have won FIVE Super Bowls. I am ashamed of my jealousy, so I admit it to no one, not even myself. Instead, I refer to my jealousy as ‘hatred’, because ‘I hate you’ sounds less girly and childish than ‘[I’m] jealous of you’.

I’ll offer every reason [under the sun] for my hatred, even though my own words and actions will prove each to be a lie. Truth is, every reason I give for my hatred is simply an excuse to avoid admitting that I’m jealous of the Cowboys’ success. That their success began so long ago only makes my jealous rage even more pathetic. My simple mind can’t move on; I am obsessed with envy.

When Dallas comes to town, I'll behave like a complete degenerate towards the Cowboys and their fans in the juvenile belief that my behavior somehow demonstrates my devotion to the Eagles. My drunken bravado flourishes safely inside the cocoon created by 60,000 of my fellow fans; I dig deep to summon the courage to spit on [little girls] wearing Cowboys gear; my low-life friends are impressed!

When I travel to Dallas, I’m stupefied and disappointed that the Cowboys fans treat me with respect, or worse, ignore me. What am I, just another visiting fan? Why don’t they ‘hate’ me as I ‘hate’ them? Could it be that the Eagles and I have achieved nothing to be jealous of?

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