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While your wife /girlfriend is sleeping, grab a step stool and a bottle of tabasco and head to the bedroom. Now, place the stepstool a couple of feet away from the [bathroom door] in the direct path of the bed. Then shut the bathroom door. Take the bottle of tabasco to bed and hide it in the pillowcase. Wake her and start to arouse her. Once you are [getting close] to blowing your wad get the tabasco ready. Tell her you want to come on her face. Aim for the eyes and while she inevitably has her eyes shut and mouth open, you [drop a load] and shake several drops of tabasco in the corner of her eyes. When you are finished she will open her eyes and immediately be blinded. She will run to the bathroom to wash her eyes, trip over the stepstool headfirst into the shut bathroom door. At that time you stand over her and yell, "You close your eyes when Charlie's shooting at you and your going home in a body bag. On your feet Private Pyle!"
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