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1) A way to prevent yourself from drowning, at least until the shark gets you.

2) A sport that gets guys ripped, girls fit, and both tan, it's the sexiest sport around. In addition, it's really easy to [use] as a metaphor for sex. Downsides: looking great, having too many people want to screw you, too loud of a crowd, all the groupies... Real Downsides: If you're a guy, it looks almost as gay as [water polo]. Try not to get an erection the speedo doesn't really hide much, including how big you are... You have to be [in the water] by 5 a.m. during season. Like drowning, it takes a LOT of energy. If you don't use lotion, you will get sunburned until you get tanned, also you might have cancer. It damages your hair, which oddly enough makes it look thick and awesome and sunbleached for guys, but girls might not like what happens to them. Unless you lose yourself, it can be [really really] boring because you just go there and back again, the trick is losing yourself in other stuff, not thinking, or thinking about how the water feels and if your stroke can be improved. This is similar to what you do in other sports, which are after all basically moving from point to point; what matters in any sport is not [what you're doing], it's how you do it.

3) One of the only two sports that get girls wet and half-naked.

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