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Rating used to describe how bad you have to shit. Best used during long trips: Defacon 6: Normal shitting procedures. You have no worry about public restrooms. Defacon 5: Normal shitting procedures. You could probably shit if upon request, like a monkey. Should be able to surpass pooformance anxiety. Defacon 4: Something's up. Somehow, someway, you know somethings going to go wrong today. It might be [the big one], it might not. Either way, you're going to [drop the kids off at the pool] sometime in the next 24 hours. Defacon 3: You can feel it moving in your gut. Rearrange plans accordingly. Max safe distance from toilet: 1 hour Defacon 2: The shit is imminent. You should already have been on your way to the shitter. Max safe distance from toilet: 5 minutes. Defacon 1: turtling [prairie dogging] sharting Max safe distance from toilet: NONE Defacon 0: Crisis Averted, pass me some new pants.
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