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1. (noun) A condition that occurs in a certain [percentage] of human males whereby the face gradually and irreversibly widens with the advancing onset of middle-age, transforming a once [devastatingly handsome] specimen of [masculinity] into a bloated parody of its former glory. Also known as Laurence Fishburne Pumpkinhead Disorder or the Widening. There is no cure, nor does the physical fitness of the subject have any impact.
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