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The [Texas Rangers] don't make Barnshaw an honorary Texas Ranger. Barnshaw makes the Texas Rangers honorary Barnshaws

Who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion? Answer - neither, Barnshaw would beat them both with a single drop of his 12 inch penis.

Barnshaw buys his [Girl Scout cookies] from Green Berets.

If you masturbate between 12am and 12pm everyday, then Barnshaw WILL [roundhouse kick] Justin Bieber's face.

There used to be a street named after Barnshaw, but it was changed because nobody crosses Barnshaw and lives.

Death once had a near-Barnshaw experience

Some magicans can walk on water, Barnshaw can swim through land.

Barnshaw counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Barnshaw.

Barnshaw doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it.

Barnshaw once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Barnshaw and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear [on the outside] of his pants.

Some kids pee their name in snow. Barnshaw shits his name in concrete.

Contrary to popular belief, Barnshaw cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down.

Barnshaw doesn't mow his lawn, he stands on the porch and dares it to grow

Barnshaw puts the 'laughter' in "manslaughter'

Barnshaw once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

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