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Colbert Hair is a fluid synthesis of dynamic [characteristics] that drive the success of [The Colbert Report]. Like the eye on the dollar bill, the hairdryer in Colbert's crest casts a [conservative] net of hairspray on tyranny. Flowing on parallel paths, the shinyness, perfectness, and mind oozing schmegmatic funness of Colbert Hair blend into a love hate cauldron of bitchslap.
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