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The only STD not caused by [sexual intercourse] with another human, Pond Dick occurs when one swims in a dirty pond covered with green, toxic algae. [Parasites] dwelling beneath the algae cluster around a male's penis when that male jumps into said pond. Upon exiting the pond, the parasites burrow into the penis, leaving a bumpy rash known as Pond Dick. This condition cannot be treated and is [generally] more feared than the HIV virus.
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