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"Scientific" fuck tips from [Cosmopolitan Magazine], directed to morons who confuse muscle spasms with orgasms. Such as: Before sex, [go for a run], which "will raise her dopamine levels, easing her anxieties." Cook some asparagus, since "it's packed with zinc, a key mineral needed for maintaining erections." Eat some chocolate — it's caffeinated and so "can jolt the sex drive." Drink [orange juice]. "Vitamin C boosts your adrenaline" and "the citrus will jumpstart her arousal system." Just drink it quickly, because she's about to start moaning, and once she does, she'll never stop.
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