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A [middle aged] vagabond who hides in your basement in order to stay out of bad weather. They sit [in the dark] corners of your cellar until you go down there to get laundry done or bring out the holiday ornaments. Once you do, they attack you with a [rusty screwdriver] that is infested with diseases. All basement bums are male. There is no such thing as a female basement bum. If you think you see a female basement bum, it's probably a hooker or a crackhead. If you believe you may have a basement bum, do not call 911. The emergency operators will simply laugh at you. Instead, call 1-800-BUM-HELP and pray to god that it's not too late...
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