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Canada's History is a sex act in which a live moose is hunted down with the aid of Sarah Palin (a master tracker and rogue) and viciously murdered by [decapitation] with a jagged hockey stick. After defiling the moose head further by teabagging the head several times (and not with Early Grey, but your genitals), it is ready for sex. The antlers are rammed up the anus of the female while Grade A Canadian maple syrup is slathered over the balls of the man who is simultaneously stuffing the moose's mouth with his shaft. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin hardly wants to miss out on the action so she goes rogue by jamming the other side of the antlers (opposite end is butt spelunking the female) up her vagina far enough to perform a self-abortion on her unwanted baby. After everyone has finished and Palin has enlarged her [vaginal orifice] another 2 inches, the moose head is discarded in a finely polished Stanley Cup. It is then sent to the home of [Stephen Colbert] for tedious inspection to make sure that every moose head was used to its fullest extent. Stephen does not accept the moose head in anything but the Stanley Cup as it is the only vessel prestigious enough for his liking. As a health advisory, it is generally necessary to check up with your doctor before performing Canada's History with your partner as it can lead to serious diseases such as severe diarrhea, Colbertitis, mad moose disease, and a [neurological disorder] known as The Palins which generally leads to mental retardation.

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