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A newly discovered rare metallic element, sometimes referred to as "Shonk". It can be easily polished to hold a shine, but it tarnishes very rapidly when inspected closely or when it comes into contact with any Object. The primary use appears to be in the building of simple machines, which will usually work only under certain conditions such as the [orientation] of the earth's [magnetic field], the prevailing wind, and whether the creator of the machine was able to find the jade monkey before the full moon rose that month. Due to the strong electric field scattering effect exuded by shonkinium, it is not suitable for any use in [electronics]. Items created with shonkinium are generally described as "shonky". No-one has discovered the true worldwide extent of shonkinium, but all of the veins of shonkinium ore so far discovered by exploratory mining have been found in the hills around South Ayrshire in the UK.
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