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Similar to the rumored five-fingered Kung-Fu pimp slap of death, Canada's History is a sexual technique which can alternately lead to either a 36-hour [orgasm] .... or death.

Instruments used to initiate the illicit 'Canada's History' include a harmonica, a Plastic Man action figure, 2 lbs. of Wendigo fur, a vat of maple syrup, a jar of Nutella, a live duck, 2 packets of duck sauce, the Stanley Cup (full-size replica is allowed), a moose (live or mounted), a kazoo, the complete works of Era Pound, a tazer gun, 4 oz. of tatto ink, a ball gag, and a roll of Canadian quarters. For best results, individuals attempting Canada's History should have endured either a colonoscopy or a pedicure just hours before attempting the procedure.

[International] treaties prohibit the actual depiction of the technique, although a loophole allows us to provide a list of individuals who may or may not have attempted (and possible even survived) Canada's History:
Betty White
[William Shatner]
Grape Ape
Lex Luthor
Pres. William McKinley
D. B. Cooper
The black guy from Ghostbusters
[Ronald McDonald]
Naomi Wolf
Glen Beck
John Luvitz
Redd Foxx
and Rhea Perlman

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