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1. A person either born in the Dominican Republic or someone born in America with Dominican ancestry. God forbid that you're an American-born Dominican and you make any mention of being an American first. You'll be considered a traitor and sent into exile from a ghetto like Washington Heights.

2. African-Americans have nothing on Dominicans when it comes to being doomed to remain in the ghetto for an infinite number of generations. Among the most treasonous things that a Dominican can do is to get a college education and become at least a productive middle-class American. What's more cool is going to the hottest Dominican club of the moment on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and blasting the same music in your apartment or in your way-too-expensive car on the other four days.

3. Dominicans are more prone to follow fads than almost every other group of people. There could be 40 different clubs in the neighborhood, but if one of them is deemed the "hot" club of the moment, you can expect to find 95% of the Dominican population inside that club on a Friday night. Try to get in, and you won't have room to scratch your balls.

4. Dominicans all listen to the same bachata, reggaeton, and merengue songs. If you dare say that you don't like Omega or Aventura, the only thing that saves you from being lynched in a back alley is law enforcement.

The only thing keeping me from writing more is the character limit.

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