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When a woman of [breeding age] finds out that she will be serving an extended prison sentence which will render her infertile by her release date, yet she still wishes to reproduce, she will endeavor to have a door baby. This is done by coercing a male donor to ejaculate into a small, tubular receptacle, usually a toothpaste tube. The tube is then smuggled into the cell via a food tray. The most common way to do this is by placing it within a hamburger bun at feed time. The [prospective] mother will then insert the tube into her vagina and squeeze. Thus, with any luck, [the miracle of life] will occur.
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