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Clamjabls is a newly discovered, life threatening [sexually transmitted disease]. It was covered briefly in the news, but was quickly eclipsed by the spread of the H1N1 virus, although Clamjabls's effects are far more deadly and painful.

The symptoms of Clamjabls are difficult to describe and pinpoint as many that are infected are too embarrassed to come forward with this relevant information, although it has been strongly encouraged by the [United States] Health Coalition.

Clamjabls are highly contagious and can be contracted through any type of sexual contact, including eye-fucking, cyberfucking, and dirty talk of all kinds (including in person, skype, and text or phone conversations).

Outbreaks have been frequent and devastating in the Central Jersey region, and officials are doing their best to quell the crisis and rid the state of all infected individuals.

The Public Health Coalition asks that you are selective when choosing partners and that you use proper protection during sexual interactions. [Unfortunately], some cases have been contracted during sexual tension for which there is no known protection at this time. There are no known treatments for Clamjabls, but there are support groups cropping up all over the nation to provide a safe haven for those infected as [well] as a place to heal their emotional wounds.

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