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An instrument whose players can, unlike tuba players, actually keep time. [Originally] designed as an improvement on [the trumpet], the trombone turned out to be an improvement on all other instruments as well. A single trombonist can, and will outplay many small string ensembles. For every time a trombonist hits fortissimo, a man gets a hard on somewhere, and three women lose their [virginity]...twice. Also considered by many to have magical properties.
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