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we were [fighting] infected all across the square
the scent of their blood was in the air

a witch in the courtyard gave us quite a scare
and things only got worse from there

when a hunter grabbed bill and thrashed him in twain

francis was hung by a smoker as he howled in pain

zoey with her pistol and took careful aim
she fired 2 shots, but it was all in vain

just then, when all hope had been burned and bled
the infected all scream and turned and fled

clothed in a flannel shirt blue black and red
came an angel of Badass, named Chicago Ted

with his twin shotguns a blazing, he [slaughtered] that horde

till he got bored of that, and switched to his sword

his cap coated in blood, while us he ignored
[for the thrill] of the hunt was his own reward

now he was no [chuck norris], dont get me wrong

but ted could do this crap all day long

the survivors lept up and fought along
but ted would do this work for a song

with corpses piled as high as can be
Ol' ted lit a smoke, and howled with glee

as he used his sword to carve knotches you see
into his belt, a thousand times 53

as a tank round [the corner], we filled up with dread
but he just laughed an shook his head

with a powerful holler the wild savior said

"NO ZOMBIE IS SAFE FROM CHICAGO TED!"

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