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Widely believed to have been invented by Sir [Isaac Newton] after a detailed study of male [sexual arousal], the ketchup packet involves the caressing twist of a man's testicles until they burst. Often, the scene can resemble a McDonald's after a five year old threw a ketchup packet against the wall. A 2005 survey estimated that over 9000 American males have had their testicles surgically reattached so that they could once again [experience] the joy of a ketchup packet.
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