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n.: a newspaper or similar medium, rolled tight and fashionably stuffed in the rear between the pant waist and the undershorts of a [middle aged man]. Crack reports can be found anywhere, but are most common at [race tracks], betting venues, ball games, and other sporting events. Most reports, but not all, contain various residue, leftovers and [miscellaneous] bacteria that is considered unsanitary by the local health department.
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