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Creepy lumberjack who sports the ugliest beard known to man. He possesses silly hats, a gold scarf, chops that make people want to hang themselves, and a fetish for Google Earth. Worst college roomate in the history of the world. Threatened to assault roomates with Snapple, comforters up one's colon, and a ferocious beard. Enjoys latching, [pissing off] all, treats Nats like she is his mother, and likes Sean (gay by May). Represented by the hand gesture called "The Awkward Lumberjack"; it is done by motioning your hands like you are chopping wood with an axe. [Closet racist]. Leaves nail clippings and hair trimmings in sink. Refuses to wash sheets for months. Vertigo five feet off the ground. Will only sleep with a girl if bed is on ground and partner is inebriated. Thinks Josh is a facist. Believes that rape has [nothing to do] with sex. Likes to countdown from ten. Draws lines and finds glitches on Google Earth. Fluent in the Elvish language. Valiantly defends Little Blizzaard "Gustav." Sexual fantasies include role play with Lord of the Rings, biting, pirates. Is profoundly obsessed with Nicole. Refuses to wash his hands after relieving himself. Can't sleep in the presense of desk lamps. Overhead light must go out at 11. Eats inconcievably slowly. Has a fetish for authority. Insinuates himself into every [conversation]. Frequents gay bars while utterly sober. Arranges the various plaid shirts he owns by which day of the week to be worn. Routinely spends more time in the bathroom than three [high maintenance] females do in a day.

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