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A place of great beauty.  A place where the common man can live like a king.  A place where the beer flows like wine, and women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.  Juan Ponce de León once traveled to this enchanting place in search of the [fountain of youth] which is rumored to be deep beneath Imperial's solid gold foundation.  Imperial is home of the world's only Phoenix, as well as Harry-O, a Titan of the [hospitality] business, as well as the one man who knows what happened to Atlantis .  [Michael Jordan] once referred to to Imperial as the Mecca of beer distributors.  It is a haven to each Pelham resident, and they are the few and the proud who have ever been able to lay eyes on the Goddess Maureen, whose voice is so beautiful, it is said to cause temporary paralysis.  Imperial is the solution to every problem a mortal being could have.  I urge every man woman and teenager to make a sacred pilgrimage to this beautiful place, and I promise it will be an emotional and enlightening experience beyond your wildest imaginations.

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