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An [American woman] who, having carried a child to term, and that child having eventually played organized hockey, obtains folksy wisdom which she then interpretes as the equivalent of, if not the superior to, a formal education.

The hockey mom is characterized by several distinct markings.  First, the hockey mom displays her love for Jesus in a [bumper sticker] and/or a knitted sweater.  Often this display [simultaneously] rejects other belief systems and life [preferences], occassionally damning the 'non-believers' to hell.

Secondly, if the hockey mom has a daughter, that daughter is usually in possession of a promise ring, which inadvertently guarantees the 'turning out' of her daughter in college.

Lastly, the hockey mom is characterized by an intense dislike of the French, especially, and  xenophobia, generally, which serves to deflect any criticism on the grounds of hockey's French-Canadian popularity.  The hockey mom often does not consider the racist implications of this position having had been exposed to virtually no peoples of color.  If pressed, however, the hockey mom will concede that "some of them are alright," especially if "they love Jesus" and don't complain about "stuff" that happened "thousands" of years ago.

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