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You aren't enough of an asshole for me to show interest in you, as I'd rather be treated like shit by men whose IQs rival my shower drain than actually give you the time of day.

You see, if I carefully thought about the things I really want in a [relationship] (and indeed the very things that I tell you that I want), rest assured you would be [off the charts]! But I learned at an early age to completely misrepresent everything I really want just to see you writhe in emotional agony, so that I know I have you completely under my power.

So instead of actually pursuing a [relationship] with you which likely has a great chance of success, I'd rather try to pursue some dick who is lacking even the most basic level of moral decency and whom I could never possibly maintain a friendship with, let alone a serious [relationship]! But gee, I'd sure like for you to stick around so I can have someone to confide in when he treats me miserably without ever having to actually [reciprocate] anything you are feeling.

And besides, are you really "feeling" anything in the first place? I thought that men didn't have emotions. Whatever; even if you say you do I'm just going to discredit and invalidate everything you feel because it's clearly less important than my drive to conquer and tame that asshole at the bar who just told me to blow him while his buddy fucks me from behind. What a dick! Although he is kind of cute, his buddy too...

Oh, you're still here?

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