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A school located in Scranton, Pennsylvania, whose [entrance exam], though well intended, lacks filters for denying admission to adolescents who lack one or more of the following abilities: (1) the ability to compose a fluid piece of prose whose ideas are appropriately delineated by paragraphs; (2) the ability to use a keyboard; (3) the ability to refrain from writing separate words like "each" and "other" as a compound, even though some demon of syntactical [retardation] may possess his or her soul; and (4) the ability to ignore trivial social concerns that contribute to foolish teenage angst, pursue wholeheartedly the gift of [liberal education] that has been bestowed upon him or her, attain a mastery of all subjects, pursue success by whatsoever path he or she may choose, and generally be too content with his or her own life to waste one thought on his or her mildly bothersome classmates of yore.
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