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Lives life in dark [depressing] areas such as schwag basements. To the common eye a Schwagendall or Kirkenschwag may appear as a [normal person] but after many failed attempts it is clear that the Schwagendall cannot obain pussy. His personal [sexual orientation] is not confirmed due to his multiple decades of repeated pussy futility. Enjoys the hobby of smoking herb, and by herb I mean other peoples herb of whom he is mooching off due to his [persistent] streak of being completely nugless and completely broke. BE WARNED although the Kirkenschwag house/schwagenbasement is always accessible there is rarely nug available to match and you will likely be smoking multiple coons down. (example listed below)In the schwagenhouse there are multiple 'creatures' or 'beings' that you must be aware of when entering for your own personal saftey and well being, they are as follows:
MONSTER-a large fat pot smoking kirk, has traits similar to ol' L Kirk himself such as mass percy videogamery and no pussy.
FAT BABY- a large fat baby... Plays a lot of [videogames] and eats a lot of food, occupies the KirkenTv (no cable) 24/7 or until removed by a fellow Schwagendall.
PFD- ([Penis Face] Dog)A large white dog. Of whom clearly wants to leave with you everytime you go, but also happens to shed more than life itself giving the Schwagenhouse a nice little white glimmer of allergic dog hair, to go along with the horrid stench of cat piss. 
Schwagencar- Audible from 2 miles with its Hitchcock esque screech. 0-60 in 34.6 seconds. [Needless to say], also lacks head rests in both the driver and passenger seat.
WARNING XXX WARNING XXX WARNING XXX
             LAVONSTER
A large fat 'mother' who provides the food for the Schwagenhouse. Generally buys in bulk of large amounts of cereal, diet carbonated schwag drinks, raman noodles, and the occasional pop tart. Also a big fan of couch sitting and watching movie, after movie, after movie.

B Kirk- An 1840's prospect, not much else is known about him other than the occasional percy sick day on a [vital] day of importance, and that he tokes. Appears to be a definite fellow Schwagendall though, by all means.

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