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Bruce willis was born [on the moon] before the dawn of time. He was the love child between chuck norris and a ninja. Over his life he has [accomplished] many tasks including going back in time to stop a time paradox from occuring, forming Pantera, and his acting career which he is most famous for. In his acting career he is most noted in the autobiography Die Hard. However they had to change his name from Bruce Willis to John Mclaine because if people knew that Bruce Willis actually pulled that shit off, their eyes would explode and they would piss out their liquified innards for months. Other real-life biographies include, Rambo 4, the Evil Dead series, every george romero movie that DOESN'T suck, and the star wars series as [Darth Vader], except instead of being either a whiney kid or an emo teenager, he was actually a viking, and instead of Obi Wan kicking his ass, Bruce takes his lightsaber and gouges out both of his eyes, and force feeds them down his throat. Due to this change, instead of episodes IV, V, and VI being nothing but him chopping off baby heads and eating everyne like it was supposed to, it turned out to be a long, complex trilogy which still kicked ass but still should have been bruce willis [eating people]. However, George Lucas was in charge and he decided to go with his idea. Bruce Willis got pissed and kicked his ass so hard after episodes 1 2 and 3 came out that he sent him back in time 30 years and was forced to write episodes 4 5 and 6 back then instead.

It is common [knowledge] that every time Bruce Willis says "Yippee-kai-yay [mother fucker]," and emo gets sodomized with a jack hammer.

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