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The solution to all computer related problems. All computers are terrified of cream cheese, [particularly] of having it smothered over their hard drive or around the keyboard. Faced with any problem, the wise computer user will simply reach for their handy container of cream cheese and hold it infront of the screen (where the computer can see it) in a [threatening] gesture. Terrified, the disobedient computer will quickly [cut the crap] and start working properly again.
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