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A newly-discovered form of leukemia, found in the barnyard, great horned, and spotted owls of Tennessee. Researchers believe it is the result of excessive, high-voltage transmissions from the many, many [electrical] lines required to service the mansion of Internet-inventor Albert Gore, Jr. Attempts to cure the disease via owl chemotherapy have been foiled by the environmentally-destructive, polluting effects of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's large, fuel-guzzling personal jet. Due to the rapidly-declining owl population in Tennessee, the rats have grown in size and number, and are [threatening] to take over [the state capitol] in Nashville.
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