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A logarithmic scale used to express the amount of anti-humor produced by a remark or quip uttered by an [individual] with the intention of producing genuine humor. Similar to the richter scale, the scale ranges from 0 to 9 with each increase of 1 [representing] a ten-fold increase in anti-humor. A 0 on the lippman scale signifies a state of humor equilibrium in which nothing has been said which can be deemed offensively unhumorous and harmful to the souls and psyches of those within earshot. A 5 typically results in temporary paralysis followed by seizures, [suicidal tendencies] and diarrhea. Although nothing above a 7 has ever been reported, experts speculate that a 9 on the Lippman scale results in the return of Christ to earth at which point he will utter the words "Fuck this" and the earth will implode into a giant supernova of anti-humor.
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