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After [your wife] gives birth. Search through the pile of bloody afterbirth between your wifes thighs and find the placenta. Take it home, pickle it in an acidic solution, and put in on a shelf and leave it for a decade or so. When [your child] is around about 10 years old, put the pickled placenta between two pieces of buttered granary bread and put it in you sons [lunch box] for his school dinner.
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