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Tosser (North America)

A tosser in Britain is just another word for a wanker but in North America it means that among other things.

A tosser can come in many shapes and forms. A tosser is moreless an urban male. Most common is the kind of guy that walks around looking like a homo without necessarily being gay. [University] campuses are typically breeding grounds for this type of person. A dead give away that someone is a tosser is when you see a guy wearing thick framed glasses, carrying his notes or laptop in any sort of over the shoulder man purse and has a rooster style hair do. They like to think they are the bohemian creative class of North America but they’re whores to [corporate America] as much as anyone as they are sure to have the latest in laptops, cell phones and palm pilots. They can often be found in coffee shops like starbucks, in a classroom showing more enthusiasm than the average student towards their professor’s lesson or on [the streets] of any big city on a business day.

Tossers tend to be liberal which is generally a good thing. I care about the environment and human rights as much as anyone but they make it gay by wearing those little buttons on their man purses and coats that say stuff like “Take Action Now”, “Lower Tuition Fees” and the classic “AIDS. Don’t Ignore It”.

You may be a tosser if…

You are a male
You go to [University] and are in a [liberal arts] program
You grab your ankles
You tell adults you know about your school program 
You frequent internet cafes
You have a job writing for a magazine 
You can’t bench press your own weight
You buy coffee from starbucks
You carry a laptop in a man purse
You did not play any sports in high school
You go shopping with [your mommy] like a sissy
You have a job at the body shop
You gel your hair in a rooster style
You are an advocate for smart cars and other green technology
You wrote or are writing a thesis
You talk to people about your stress levels or exam schedule
You listen to pussy music like Coldplay or Sam Roberts 
You look towards Europe for fashion and style inspiration
You have a lot of female friends that you have no [sexual attraction] to
You say you care about world poverty but all you do is write about it
You do ballet, theater or are a member of a wussy sports program like rowing

If you said yes to a lot of this, [you need to stop] being a little queerass toss bag and grow a pair.

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