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One of the 'Founding Fathers', Ben Franklin was a well-known author, statesman, poet, musician, and inventor. Franklin was [responsible] for some of the most important features of the Constitution. Some of his accomplishments include:

* Inventor of Floam

* Paula Abdul's first dance instructor

* Amish Rake Fighting (scored 27 kills, 83 maims in first season)

* Known to place 'whoopee cushions' under Madison's seat during meetings

* Porked 1275 women during his lifetime

* Was able to [leap] tall buildings with a single bound

* Often dressed as a pregnant nun and walked through the streets shouting, "Come and get it, fellas!"

* Once walked into Congress after a night of [heavy drinking] and opened fire with his AK-47

* Liked to play with puppies

* Held regular staring contests with his neighbors

* Tried to have [Hillary Clinton] drawn and quartered

* Had girly-hippy hair

* Advertises on the $100.00 bill with a frowny face

* Prone to depression and extreme violence

* A Taoist-anarchist

* Hated tuna casserole

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