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First president of the United States. Had two on the vine--I mean, two sets of testicles--so divine. 6 foot 8, weighs a fucking ton. Has a wig for his wig, got a brain for his heart (He'll kick you apart, he'll kick you apart, ooh). Patrolled the land on a horse made of crystal. Ate opponents' brains and invented cocaine. The sons of his opponents wished that he was their dad.
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