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My father was a relentlessly self-improving lingerie salesman with low-grade [narcolepsy] and a panchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French [prostitute] named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, make outrageous claims like he had invented the [question mark]. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. My childhood was pretty typical. Summers in Rangoon, louge lessons, in the spring we would make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At 13 I met an Austrian barber-surgeon named Wilma. She ritualistically shaved my testicles. There's nothing like a freshly shorned scrotum. It's breathtaking, you should try it.
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