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An irritable undersized adult American male with a [napoleon complex] and a [conservative] republican disposition, these individuals are commonly born in the Midwest, bred in the southeast, and characterized by their borderline-saintly devout Catholic Italian mothers, despicable, socially inept siblings, one or more weird misshaped little fingers, and a preternatural infatuation with female sodomy.

More times than not, these personalities will end up working for [the family business] due to a substandard education from a third-rate institution of higher learning, frequently earning insignificant bachelor degrees in majors such as Basket Weaving, Liberal Studies, or Interdisciplinary Social Science.

Furthermore, this category of person will regularly accumulate numerous aliases, one of which being “tripod,” stemming from the embodiment of two stubby legs and a largely disproportionate lower extremity. Due to this anomaly, wackies tend to marry up, literally as well as figuratively, habitually attracting taller, [younger], better looking female counterparts.

One surefire way of differentiating between a regular, run of the mill, stunted human being, and a wacky, is by observing his relentless use of the idiom “tongue the balls”.

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