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A complete hellhole. A town full of sordid, tango-tanned scrubbers and thick, ignorant, aggressive  scallies. If you've ever seen the Burt Reynolds film 'Deliverance you'll have some idea what these people are like. These slackjawed, shaven-headed morons ([otherwise] known as 'friendly, witty scousers') are amongst the most violent and bigoted people on [the planet]. If you have the misfortune to live here ( and I do), for god's sake don't show any [individuality], and try not to be from an ethnic background  because they'll very probably kill you. Laughably this dump was awarded 'European City of Culture' for 2008, notwithstanding the fact that its so-called 'culture' consists of the 'Beatles' who left here in 1963 and never came back,  and some of the worst clubs on earth playing the cretinous 'scouse-house'. Here are some tips for fitting in if you have the bad luck to end up here. These tips should ensure survival:

1.  wear a tracksuit (women may wear pyjamas)
2.  shave [your head] (women should be bottle blond)
3.  develop a guttural whine (both sexes) 
4.  gob [on the floor] frequently (experts recommend at least every 10 steps) (both sexes)
5.  try not to finish a sentence without [using] the F word at least fourteen times (again, both sexes)
6.  steal anything that isn't nailed down
7.  talk in an extremely loud voice (as you're so 'witty' everyone will want to hear your opinions)
8.  glare at everyone in a [threatening] manner, especially students, 'goths' and anyone perceived to be'gay'
9.  Call anyone not wearing a tracksuit 'gay' then beat them up 
10.  tell everyone how 'scousers are the friendliest people in the world aren't they though?'

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