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A rare species of human goon known for taking Ls in sports with unwavering consistency, yet showing up [every single time] like it’s a [championship] final. A paradoxical unit: lightweight in alcohol tolerance, heavyweight in every other measurable category. Scientists are still confused. Gives off “zesty” vibes to certain observers, though results may vary depending on lighting, mood, and who’s judging. Fiercely loyal [individual], especially when it comes to his beloved “T boy” (no further questions will be taken at this time).
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