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noun A classic New Jersey species of “businessman” commonly spotted in a lifted, overpriced pickup truck (usually a Ram, F-250, or Silverado) covered in magnetic signs for his “construction company” that changes names every six months. The Jersey Contractor has never swung a hammer, touched a saw, or broken a sweat in his life. His entire operation consists of driving around all day, yelling into a Bluetooth headset, while outsourcing 100% of the actual work to undocumented immigrants or day laborers he pays under the table. If one of his workers calls out sick, he panics and recruits his buddy from the bar, compensating him with two slices of pizza and a warm cup of water from the hose. Typically a Gen X or millennial dude rocking a backward hat, gold chain, and a perpetual Red Bull/Monster Energy addiction. His weekends involve copious amounts of beer, buffalo wings, and cocaine at the local nightclub where he tells everyone he “built half of Jersey.” Known for: • Evading taxes like it’s an Olympic sport • Ignoring every zoning law on the books • Starting jobs with a bang and ghosting halfway through • Acting like he personally laid every brick while he was really just counting cash in the truck • Exploiting labor while complaining that “nobody wants to work anymore”

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