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A rare and highly [specialized] human originating from a place most GPS systems politely pretend not to recognize: Chocowinity, NC. Known for their uncanny ability to give directions using landmarks that no longer exist (“turn where the old Piggly Wiggly used to be”), a Chocowinite thrives on sweet tea, humidity, and the firm belief that “it’s not that far” means anywhere within a 45-minute radius. Often found making themselves [comfortable] wherever they land—they treat all cities, towns, and surfaces as fair game. [Not to be confused with] their uppity distant relations, the Washingtikes.
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