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A mysterious condition affecting certain grown women who have the emotional regulation of a middle-school group chat. Symptoms include: a self-inflated ego, selective amnesia about every bad decision they’ve ever made & a deep belief that the world is “intimidated” by them—when in reality people are just tired of them. She talks like she’s the CEO of “High Value Women,” but her résumé is mostly drama internships & accountability gaps. Claims she is “brutally honest” (translation: rude) & chronically “misunderstood” (translation: exhausting), but she's just spiritually allergic to self-awareness. Classic traits include: judging everyone like she’s on a reality show panel & confusing attention for respect. Common habitat: the comments section, other people’s relationships, & any situation where attention is available in bulk.”

WARNING: May cause chronic self-importance & aggressive confidence unsupported by facts. Side effects include: public superiority complexes, private insecurity, & an inability to hear the words “maybe you’re the problem”. Do not operate near accountability, boundaries, or women with actual self-respect. Prolonged exposure may lead to fatigue, eye strain from constant side-eye, & friends quietly going “busy” for the next 6 months.

Directions: Take 1 compliment every 30 minutes or symptoms worsen. Do not mix with: consequences, criticism, or reality. Keep away from: group chats, weddings, anyone’s boyfriend. If symptoms persist: she will blame you.

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