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An animal that despite how much [you love it] and the fact that it doesnt do anything wrong (to it), just doesnt do the things that you want it to do. Therefore, only an afternoon's 'shitherding' could possibly convince it to [do what you want] it to do. This would involve pushing shit around with its nose until it had assembled it all in a nice and easy to dispose of pile, preferably clingfilmed. This would be an [alternative] to becoming a shish-kebab.
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