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The Vextro is a mythical German sex move so bizarre it supposedly makes both partners forget their own names; it starts with the “Vextro Prime” lying naked in a glass canoe filled with [whipped cream] while the “Counter-Thrust” stands on a wobbly step ladder wearing a gas mask and humming Beethoven’s 5th; Prime is spun in the canoe by three naked men in lederhosen until they reach exactly 43 RPM, at which point Counter-Thrust cannonballs in, locking thighs with Prime to create a “meat gyroscope” that generates enough friction to set nearby houseplants on fire; mid-spin, a trained pigeon wearing lingerie swoops down to [drop a cherry] into Prime’s mouth, which must be swallowed without chewing or the Vextro “fails” and both must start over; the move ends when the canoe tips, dumping both into a pit of lukewarm [jelly] where a disoriented referee in clown makeup declares a winner based on “style points”, survivors report dizziness, speaking only in rhymes for 48 hours, and an unshakable fear of [whipped cream], this can result to death.

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