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Juan Felipe, also known in the wild as “Juan Pija,” is a phenomenon best described as a glitch in the human matrix. Lacking both aura and presence, he drifts through life with the charisma of a wet sponge. Academically, he’s a cautionary tale — not so much a student as a spectator in the classroom of life. Rumored to be missing more than just motivation, he’s often cited as evidence that evolution sometimes takes coffee breaks. Conversations with him tend to [circle the drain] of logic and often end with others questioning their own IQ. In terms of [contribution] to society, Juan Felipe ranks somewhere between expired yogurt and traffic. And yet, despite it all, he carries himself with the unearned confidence of someone who thinks cargo shorts are still a [fashion statement].
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