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Rytard
(noun)

Definition:
A man who, despite multiple emotional TED Talks, detailed text messages, and crying in front of him twice, still doesn’t [understand] how he hurt you. Often replies to heartfelt confessions with “huh?” or “you should’ve told me.” The human embodiment of [selective hearing] and weaponized cluelessness.

Common Traits:

Confused even after diagrams

Apologizes without knowing what for

Thinks [emotional maturity] is “too much drama”

Responds to “I need space” with “wyd?”

Synonyms for Rytard

Ryan’t – when he almost gets it, but tragically doesn’t

Clownfused – when he’s both a clown and confused

Man-splainer Zero – he can explain crypto but not your feelings

Gaslight Gatsby – charming, toxic, and completely unaware

Oopsie Ex – always “didn’t know” he hurt you... again

Selective Listener 3000 – hears “hi” but not “you hurt me”

Bare Minimum Barry – thinks “wyd?” at 11 p.m. is love

Emotionally Offline – updated his phone, not his empathy

SorryBot – says “sorry you feel that way,” never “sorry I did that”

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